// O//

In a flash, like the sour stare of a camera’s lens, my mind caught a glimpse of a new understanding. I had discovered that a large portion of my motivation was due to negative feedback, that is not to say that I am not motivated by the opposing side, but to say that I have discovered that I am indeed motivated by both positive and negative charges.

It was made obvious to my by own thought process after a co-worker said “New York, will eat you alive.”

!Fuck, if it does it does but I won’t let your doubt stop me. You can never know what any of your actions will bring by doing nothing.

Besides, what is life? What is life without ideas, dreams, hopes? What is life without adventure? What is life without pain, sorrow, or doubt? What is life without out experience, or expression? You do and say nothing, you will see nothing.

2 B R O 2 B - Kurt Vonnegut. You should check out this book. I’ve been reading it on my Android phone using Aldiko. http://www.aldiko.com

// The Consumer’s Thoughts.//

It’s time. To make time. To mend, bend, and break time.

Convientant store. Eating less and thinking more.

When the rain starts to pour I soak myself in the pure.

The near the nearly the here the there the far the inside outside future cars

space and time in my eyes stars we cry

and empathize and socialize and eating less and thinking more.

// The Bourgeois And Me…//

My internet service provider, which is also the internet service provider for several other individuals within this nation was acting amiss today. Someone presented a metaphor trying to explain to a coworker of mine that the internet was like water and the service provider was the pump to the well. They exclaimed that the well was full and the pump was working but the water was being pump elsewhere.

What? Where is the internet going? Ha. It made me also think Y2K and the possibility that perhaps our estimations were just a little over a decade off. Huh…who knew. Y2K always makes me think of other conspiracies like the end of the world. If that is to happen are we right or wrong about our best guesses thus far? I don’t know if I believe in any of that mumbo-jumbo but it’s interesting to think about. It’s also interesting to think about how little I have written this year, for being my greatest passion I sure have shown it little limelight.

In fact, it saddens me how little I have created. I have worked more consistently this year but I have also played equally consistently. Yet, I have rendered my creativity very minimally.

Endlessly I feel half exhaustion, half ecstasy, in every inhale and every exhalation. So in conclusion, what is real to you, what is illusion?

// I’ve Slept Since Then//

It’s 3.06 am. I could still get plenty of sleep if I could fall back asleep now. I’m not sure why I cannot sleep more than two hours at a time. My mind won’t let me slumber so I’m here typing on tumblr. Lately, things have been a little confusing, a little frustrating but I’m still pressing on as positively as I can.

I’m missing certain people and not sure or confident in the outcome of communication. I feel the limbo taking hold. Speaking of limbo, I am two time winner of the Saturday Roadhouse Limbo, which is not much of a surprise considering I am exactly five foot. Some say it’s cheating but I say that short people must have advantages in at least one sport…or game…what have you.

I have got to gather myself and writing is and has always been my most sacred of releases. It’s a real shame how I have gone so long without writing more than three sentences.

Overwhelmed is the atmosphere of my current existence. I’m happy to say I have maintained two jobs since February and have slowly but surly been putting some money back. I got to see Bright Eyes in Saint Louis at The Pageant just last week and it was definitely the highlight of this summer thus far. My friend Stevi and I are going to do our best to finally try out for American Idol. I’m still not sure what song I want to perform.

I feel things growing and dying all around me. I feel so inspired one moment and then completely unaware or unattached to my surroundings. I am told that my limbo state is a fine state and natural state to be in at my age. I’m still unsure. I rest un-assured ahha. That is if I can rest.

I have done a lot of thinking about the perceived permanence of certain feelings or relationships. It is most certainly part of my confusion and frustration. I wish I had the proper words gathered for every amount of feeling I need to express, but I give you what I feel; instantly, unedited, and transparent.

I’m unwilling to yield all of my emotion to the wimps of another human. It scares me, the idea of needing rather than wanting, especially, in regards to relationships. I am afraid of being left so I leave but it is not that simple.

I wonder if I have any talent left in any part of my body? My introspection as of late has been more of highs and lows then I feel are usual. But that could be a lie. I could always feel this way every day and forget each night. You know, “I’ve slept since then”.

flapjacksblog2 asked: What is your favorite cartoon character?

That is a tough one, my most favorite is probably Angela Anaconda.

flapjack-theking asked: What is your favorite Cartoon Network show?

My favorite Cartoon Network show of all time or current circulation?

flapjack-theking asked: I like candy, do you like candy?

Yes I do like candy.

iloveyoubutivechoosenmytshirts asked: Your Memory Is A Stain

Yes!?

// Adzy Mack//

Hey fellow tumblrs. Check out my friend Adzy Mack’s new mixtape, available for free download via the links bellow.

P.S. I’m featured in a the track Star! Enjoy and share!

Adzy Mack Mixtape 3 

1. Welcome to my Mix

http://www.mediafire.com/?rtur okyw58avd71

2. Dreamer

http://www.mediafire.com/?c9jw6xakk6ja9cm

3. Alien

http://www.mediafire.com/?6wm8d8ob5oglqa4

4. Need This (Feat. Nate-B)

http://www.mediafire.com/?qasgc5pbdne2zuw

5. My Angel (Feat. D-Boi & DFS)

http://www.mediafire.com/?nsb9jkxc519ntrc

6. Head In The Sky

http://www.mediafire.com/?lzbkwpnx1mfkst9

7. Light Up (Feat Nate-B) 

http://www.mediafire.com/?z9z3vfbsbendbih

8. Jump Off

http://www.mediafire.com/?isci2di9cnxphr3

9. Star (Feat. Alexis)

http://www.mediafire.com/?hr232xr8rwq82wd

10. The Song Goes On

http://www.mediafire.com/?ljo7m2a51m5iw6o

// Instructions by Neil Gaiman//

Touch the wooden gate in the wall you never

saw before.

Say “please” before you open the latch,

go through,

walk down the path.

A red metal imp hangs from the green-painted

front door,

as a knocker,

do not touch it; it will bite your fingers.

Walk through the house. Take nothing. Eat

nothing.

However, if any creature tells you that it hungers,

feed it.

If it tells you that it is dirty,

clean it.

If it cries to you that it hurts,

if you can,

ease its pain.

From the back garden you will be able to see the

wild wood.

The deep well you walk past leads to Winter’s

realm;

there is another land at the bottom of it.

If you turn around here,

you can walk back, safely;

you will lose no face. I will think no less of you.

Once through the garden you will be in the

wood.

The trees are old. Eyes peer from the under-

growth.

Beneath a twisted oak sits an old woman. She

may ask for something;

give it to her. She

will point the way to the castle.

Inside it are three princesses.

Do not trust the youngest. Walk on.

In the clearing beyond the castle the twelve

months sit about a fire,

warming their feet, exchanging tales.

They may do favors for you, if you are polite.

You may pick strawberries in December’s frost.

Trust the wolves, but do not tell them where

you are going.

The river can be crossed by the ferry. The ferry-

man will take you.

(The answer to his question is this:

If he hands the oar to his passenger, he will be free to

leave the boat.

Only tell him this from a safe distance.)

If an eagle gives you a feather, keep it safe.

Remember: that giants sleep too soundly; that

witches are often betrayed by their appetites;

dragons have one soft spot, somewhere, always;

hearts can be well-hidden,

and you betray them with your tongue.

Do not be jealous of your sister.

Know that diamonds and roses

are as uncomfortable when they tumble from

one’s lips as toads and frogs:

colder, too, and sharper, and they cut.

Remember your name.

Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found.

Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have helped

to help you in their turn.

Trust dreams.

Trust your heart, and trust your story.

When you come back, return the way you came.

Favors will be returned, debts will be repaid.

Do not forget your manners.

Do not look back.

Ride the wise eagle (you shall not fall).

Ride the silver fish (you will not drown).

Ride the grey wolf (hold tightly to his fur).

There is a worm at the heart of the tower; that is

why it will not stand.

When you reach the little house, the place your

journey started,

you will recognize it, although it will seem

much smaller than you remember.

Walk up the path, and through the garden gate

you never saw before but once.

And then go home. Or make a home.

And rest.

// What celebrity do you think you look like most?//

Everyone tells me I look like Natalie Portman or Audrey Hepburn. I don’t honestly have an opinion.

Ask me anything, even anonymously