// Dear Tumblr//

Where to begin? It has been a very long time since I have added anything of real substance to this blog and I am not sure what follows will be that either. Over the past few years I have tried to maintain a fairly up-to-date online account of my life with every last juicy detail. I doubt that anyone really cares. In all honesty, the writing was always for myself. It was always very therapeutic. It continues to be so but my time on the internet has been in strange bursts and such that keeping up with myself both online and offline started to become difficult. 

I moved from Missouri to Ohio through the desperation of a friend. She talks in sparkles about life. I used to feel a certain aura of magic surrounding her. I’ve lost that. It’s strange what life can do. It’s always changing. Always rearranging. I learned a lot about myself all the while I was there. Now, having returned, I can reflect upon all the things that occurred before Ohio, during Ohio, and after Ohio.

I don’t care how I sound when I say I love Missouri. I have nothing against Ohio. I have no regret. I have wished things could have ended differently but I feel that nothing is placed in ones life that they cannot handle. A large part of me is inspired by the events that took place there. Inspired to change myself. To be more productive and happier, naturally.

I guess Ohio was just a boiling point for me. I could only withstand so much. I could only sit back and observe so much. It was the last straw. I have always believed that everything happening has a purpose whether that purpose is clear of cloudy, it is most definitely there. Ohio was a trip.

So I guess what I’m really trying to say is that I have finally remembered certain aspects of myself that I had forgotten or neglected for some time. I’m a much happier person and I am seeing what I was meant to see in all of my encounters with others. Somebody always has something to teach you.

And in reaquanting myself with a more sunnier disposition I have been able to forgive myself and forgive others. I’m not scared of making mistakes anymore. I am no longer afraid of failure. All I really want to do is to live, to experience, and to learn. I have decided that I want to go back to school. I am sure of that as well as what I want to do with my life.

While that may change I doubt that my recent realizations will. I have taken so many ‘backwards’ steps to get here but I feel refreshed. And with all of that I may write here and there. I may write often. I’m just not going to promise anything.

I want to start a blog about independent film and music. I want the concept to be concrete and interesting. So I’m going to try and focus most of my time and energy on making all the goals I want to accomplish in my life happen. While writing about how great things could be was really great, I’d like to have something great to write about.

I’m not saying that my life has been worth nothing up to this point or that is was uninteresting up to this point because those are both sever underestimations however, now is a time in my life when I need to focus on the now instead of the past or the future. No more retelling, reflecting, or imagining. I want to make things happen. When I accomplish you will hear about it. That I promise.