I think, I do. 
I think, I’ll try.
To pace the floor.
Refuse to cry. 
Open the eyes,
the ears, the doors.
Break like a heart,
no love, forever more.
In the current setting,
a river runs fast,
a river runs free.
Circling me.
Cycle thinking, knowingly.
Surrounding, drowning, comfortably. 
Numb is emptiness.
Numb doubts the obvious pain.
Sad but true,
etched in my brain.
I’m calm, collected, intense, insane.
Above average
but as the night turns 
sweet or sour,  
I promise to make my mind
at the end of the hour.
To hold close and fast
to a love said forever, to last.
Scared of pain but more
frightened of lonliness.
I pray, I beg.
This is my deepest breath,
to inhale the air so tight and strong
to hold onto your memory, forever long.

It’s the stupidest thing but lately I’ve been having these thoughts. As I look outside the window and see the men working diligently on the rooftop of a house a few down from mine, I imagine one of them is you. I imagine you will realize how close you are to my house. I imagine you will take just one minute from working and walk over and knock on my door. And I’ll answer and we will hug and kiss and everything else will disappear. But you’re not even in that line of work and I could guess where you are and where your thoughts are. You’re scared but I’m far more afraid of your absence than you’ll ever know.

I was just pondering in my little silly brain the strange truth to, “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. I find everything beautiful in some way. I also find everything humorous in some way. This may seems improbably but I do believe that given the proper conditions anything can be seen as both beautiful or humorous. Now I am not promising simultaneously but I am promising independently that everything is capable of that perception.

Onto what is puzzling me about that strange and delicious truth about perception I was curious as to what strange things do you find appealing about others that you believe most people are ‘turned off’ by? I don’t mean sexually but more of as a means of attraction in general to another human being. What is it that pulls you in? What are some day to day things you do or say that you believe others would perceive as unappealing and unusual?

I find the human specious to be the most strange of all creatures. I sometimes believe that perhaps we have a lot to learn from the beasts and their patient coexistence with nature. Yet, I find the absolute variety in design, perception, intellect, and several other factors truly most memorizing within the human. And this is why I ask you, what really get’s you off? What really motivates the fucking socks off you? What makes you wanna starve to death for it? What makes you the most heated? What chills you to the bone? What restores you from despair? What skeletons are in your closet?

Of course I’ll show you mine if you show me yours!

I started this thinking I had nothing to ask but about beauty and went on a world win of questions. If you answer I will truly be appreciative. I will truly show you mine if you show me yours! I think I might start a series. Hells yes! The Bone Marrow Question series!

 ?

In all honesty, I cannot wait for what tomorrow has in store for me. Not just the next day but all of eternity. I am so enlightened by the mere fact of existence that I could absolutely explode. I am seeing stars. I am conceiving plans from my dreams so bright, so bright they sting. I feel so inspired and positive and motivated and ambitious and just all together awesome that I want all of the world to feel me.

Feel how hot I am to touch. Saver how sweet I am to taste. 
Notice how bold I am to hear. Inhale how comforting I smell.
And visualize how intricate I must be.
I must be and you must be.
And you are me. You are me.


Everything that surrounds 
from here on out
is exactly
what I want.
If I feel insane
eventually
for making the same mistakes
I’ll retract and retreat
and start it all over
until I learn 
until I can fly
without wings


I’m really really really happy right now.
I think I have finally come full circle.
I am starting to understand myself 
and what my personal journey
and purpose have meant.

I am realizing who I am 
and what I’m about.

I feel so whole, so content, so complete, so worry free.
I am feeling all burdens vanish into air.
I am exhaling my long held breath.
I’m letting it all out and taking it all in.

All of this is stream of consciousness. All of this is truth that is alive within me.
I am so incredibly inspired that it is difficult to just sit here and not wake everyone I know up with the good news. That life is so beautiful, so ephemeral, so pure and potent. Nothing can replace a single second. Each moment so precious and well defined. I will never let go of anyone at anytime. If you need me. I’ll be there. 


“Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter. Togetherness, girl it’s all I’m after. Whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”

I just made my cat do a hand stand. I want you all to know that I love you. All of you. Each and every single one. No more and no less. Well truth be told I might care more for certain folks more than most but that’s earned ever so slowly and gracefully. 

I love human interaction and realizing the connection we all share within a conversation whether brief or long. Just that moment, that second, you know you belong. Right exactly where you are at this point in time. Nothing matters but the present. So be as big as you wish or as tall as you dream. 
Be a monster, a princess, a prom or drag queen. Be a cashier, a waitress, a secretary, a model. Be bold, be in charge, be excited, and zesty. Hold true to your truth to your intuition and your feelings. Know what your heart’s true desire is and do your damnedest to fulfill it.

No good deed goes unpunished. By friends I am turning twenty one in three days. I’m a little nervous but by all accounts I am excited. This weekend and this year are going to be righteous to the maximum. I want all bad vibes to be put behind us now. I want only good to linger. 

So have whatever dish you wish to dine with
and any girl or boy you choose.
Because in the end you have absolutely nothing but you fears to lose.

Let go of your fears.
They are only holding you back.
Let the good times roll.
Let the music play. 
Sing along to every song you know.
Stop being so cautious with ever single word or thought.
Provoke the world to imagine a better way
And do it. Do it to it.


If you cannot expect to understand 
and be the ever living example of everything 
you wish to exist and be complete and right
then you will never see it exist. 
For something you desire to be manifested
it must first enter this world in you.
Through you and by you.


Gandhi rocked it like no other 
“Be the change you wish to see in the world”

So be happy be healthy
be inspired and free
Show the world the best
example of ME


And if at a moment of despair do not fret
“for this too shall pass”
All moments are spectacular and individual
we are to live to experience
so impress what you love 
and rid your mind, body, and spirit of the rest.

May you all have the courage to be what it is you really want to be and not be held back by the gloved hand of a master you cannot see. If none of this is real and if all of it is fake then does that mean that we are all just pretending to exist?

Regardless of this or that
We are alive to soak up everything we can
And I am the sponge
I want wisdom, I want truth, I want knowledge, I want conversation, I want connection, I want satisfaction from the inner working out.

Wake up Wake up Wake up
and smell your own stink
Rid your mind, body, and spirit
of all you do not regard as ‘right’
but remember it is best first to put
a finger in the water to try and understand 
a temperature

What of everything you know?
What of everything you don’t?

Teach me something, I have five or more senses with which I can intake all you have to share.

Love life because life is love and love is life.
Love is 
Life is
And you are.
We are.

I guess to be truthful and frank and so on
I just love being alive and sometimes I forget how delicious it is to partake of air. To be able to breath and to be alive. I forget how awesome it is to have all opportunity available even though they can seem so far. There is no truth so honest as the truth within oneself.

Have a night or have a day whenever you read this, have it your way.