Do you sometime know what to title your posts before you write them? I can do that on occasion when I have a clear idea of what my basic message is going to be about before I even type the first line but more often than not I don’t. In this case I am pretty sure I know what I am going to talk about but have no idea what I should title it. This probably should just be titled RANT or DON’T READ or FULL OF FRUSTRATION AND ANGER!
I was at first rather livid about the following situation but then I took a step back and seriously thought about it. Talk to my friend Kancy and soon lost track of the issue and then I got yet another phone call. Now I am not one for woe is me stories and this is not intended to be one but I just need to write it down. Perhaps my journal would have been a better choice but I truly am falling in love with Tumblr.
In the following story the names have been changed just because I don’t really wish to reveal to anyone and I have always wanted to do that so here it is.
Tonight my ‘friend’ April called and informed me that I was going to have to go up with her to Valley Park and finish picking up the apartment and getting my things out. I didn’t want to be in Valley Park or around her tonight and I had some obligations to my regular life to deal with. So I found a way to postpone this little visit until tomorrow.
Called a friend and found out she was planning on being in Valley Park by 3pm and leaving at 8pm. 5 hours to get stuff done…sounds massive and a fair to me. So I called April. No answer. Called again about 5 mins later. I leave a voice mail stating that I will not be riding up with her as I wish to stay here for the night and will get all the stuff done tomorrow while she is at work so she has nothing to worry about.
Then she calls me. I answer.
She tells me I have to go up with her tonight.
"Why", I say?
"Because I just talked to May and she is not going to take you.”
"Alexis, you just won’t have enough time to clean that place up and I have friends coming over friday and I want everything to be nice and neat. You don’t have any other choice."
"No, I’ve talked to May, she said she’d take me. That’s five hours that is plenty of time. I don’t want to go up tonight.”
"You have no choice."
"Yes, I do have a choice, this is my life. Not yours."
By this time she is yelling and screaming at me, already. I cannot handle anymore. I have put up with this nonsense for far too long. I hang up on her.
Later on she starts threatening that either a) I will have to pay some random $200 dollar fee for bringing my cat into the apartment…for a month. or b) she is going to throw away the rest of the stuff that I have in the apartment because she would just claim that I was a ‘guest’ in the house rather than an actual tenet.
I start to freak out about this. I only have a few things there but I have papers there. Really important papers. Bank account information. And cards and letters from family members and friends. Pictures on a cork board. Little treasures like that and she is threatening to throw them away.
This all ended pretty badly. In retrospect I should have never accepted her apology the time before when she kidnapped me…that’s really not a joke. I live in turmoil while I am around her. I am terribly afraid that she will do something brash.
All in all I am no longer angry but frustration always settles in. I just want so badly to be able to fathom any part of where she is coming from but I cannot. I am at such a loss.
The only idea I can come up with is the fact that for so long of a time I allow here unconsciously the perception that she is in some sort of control of me. Then after a while of being away from here and waking up out of that state I realize what has been going on and I conclude that I am no longer going to be controlled by here. I rise up.
I guess the honest question I am posing is when does one person know it is time to cut all ties from someone. Under what circumstances is it better to burn a bridge rather than try to repair it? In friendship, in love, in anything?
I guess we all have our limits. There are rules and guildlines for such things I believe. Not that I agree with most laws but a lot of them are in place for good reason. What is good reason anyway?
I got my septum pierced about three months back. My septum has the ball off of it and the horseshoe shape just hangs down my nose, see photo to the left Anyway my step mother is fairly superstitious and believes that the fact that I have an upside-down horseshoe in my nose is bad luck. For there are lucky horseshoes but when turned around all the luck runs out.
If I was supersition I could honestly see where my luck had run out. Things just turn all about all the time for me. I don’t mind though. It doesn’t get me down. Sometimes in fact I percieve an idea that perhaps I was born to live a less priviledge simple kinda life so that I can be around certain people that need my help. Not saying that the priviledged or wealthy do not need help. I just mean I believe I could be someone whom gives up their own things, emotions, well-being and what not for the sake of someone else.
I don’t know. Regardless, I try and remain statisfied. And I am not moving back to St. Louis. Not yet and who knows if ever.
But here is my plan of action because I have need one for a very very long time. I am going to stay at my father’s house as long as I can save the money. After I have a good deal of money saved I would like to purchase a vehicle. Then I will save more and pay off my debts. Once that is paid off I will take the ACT again. Then I am going to start applying for colleges and deciding on a major. After that I can make a new plan of action. But that is my within 5 years plan of action. After 5 years I would like to be on the road, traveling all around; seeing and living through things I could never hope to see here. Locally.
But for now, I don’t mind living local. It’s a fair place to be. Comfy.
I write severely long posts. Sometimes I regret the length.
But since is the last entry I plan for today.
I’m happy about my plan of action.
I’m thankful for having my little dancing fool of a brother, he is just plan cool.
I’m hopeful that tomorrow I get my things together and in order and that I will not have to deal with April again. My mother told me you can’t trust that family
There are just some people whom don’t get it. But that’s for another day.