alexis and the peacock people!

// I’ve Slept Since Then//

It’s 3.06 am. I could still get plenty of sleep if I could fall back asleep now. I’m not sure why I cannot sleep more than two hours at a time. My mind won’t let me slumber so I’m here typing on tumblr. Lately, things have been a little confusing, a little frustrating but I’m still pressing on as positively as I can.

I’m missing certain people and not sure or confident in the outcome of communication. I feel the limbo taking hold. Speaking of limbo, I am two time winner of the Saturday Roadhouse Limbo, which is not much of a surprise considering I am exactly five foot. Some say it’s cheating but I say that short people must have advantages in at least one sport…or game…what have you.

I have got to gather myself and writing is and has always been my most sacred of releases. It’s a real shame how I have gone so long without writing more than three sentences.

Overwhelmed is the atmosphere of my current existence. I’m happy to say I have maintained two jobs since February and have slowly but surly been putting some money back. I got to see Bright Eyes in Saint Louis at The Pageant just last week and it was definitely the highlight of this summer thus far. My friend Stevi and I are going to do our best to finally try out for American Idol. I’m still not sure what song I want to perform.

I feel things growing and dying all around me. I feel so inspired one moment and then completely unaware or unattached to my surroundings. I am told that my limbo state is a fine state and natural state to be in at my age. I’m still unsure. I rest un-assured ahha. That is if I can rest.

I have done a lot of thinking about the perceived permanence of certain feelings or relationships. It is most certainly part of my confusion and frustration. I wish I had the proper words gathered for every amount of feeling I need to express, but I give you what I feel; instantly, unedited, and transparent.

I’m unwilling to yield all of my emotion to the wimps of another human. It scares me, the idea of needing rather than wanting, especially, in regards to relationships. I am afraid of being left so I leave but it is not that simple.

I wonder if I have any talent left in any part of my body? My introspection as of late has been more of highs and lows then I feel are usual. But that could be a lie. I could always feel this way every day and forget each night. You know, “I’ve slept since then”.

13 / 06

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// Does Tiger Woods Owe You An Apology!?//

Someone asked me on ChaCha me if Tiger Woods owed me an apology. I went a little nutty and wrote out a rant. Enjoy.

No. I really don’t care what Tiger Woods does during his free time. In fact, I think the media should apologize for giving him so much publicity for such a private matter. I don’t understand why the media or our general public finds the private lives of celebrities so fascinating. I think that is a major issue in our society, seeing them as demigods or something and looking at our own lives and not being satisfied.

Truth of the matter is cheating is not something anyone should be proud of and whether or not you are famous should have nothing to do with it. People will say things like “oh but young people look up to him” and to this I will say that every single person is looked up to by at least one person and a celebrity status should only make you want to be more cautious about what you do publicly but privately should be something they handle solely.

But in all honestly I never watch golf and most of America or the rest of the world are only suddenly interested in Tiger because of his mistakes. Overall it is just appalling to me that stories like this gain so much interest when there is actually much more news worthy things happening all around the world. The media is the real enemy and will continue to be as long as we allow ourselves to be so enthused by whatever they throw our way.

We are just mindless and hungry beast gawking at the meat they dangle above our heads. It’s a teasing of sorts. Here is this thing you do not have, here is who has it, they are cooler than you because they have it, you should get it and become cooler than those people you know who don’t have it, here is how to get it and how much it costs but don’t worry about cost because it will make you temporarily happy because you will be cooler than those that do not have this thing.

And because the celebrities already have everything you could ever want they are cooler and seen as something untouchable that we desire deep within our bones to become. Our lives become transfixed on an ideal of perfection that can never be reached because they are constantly changing their minds about what perfection is. Why? Because they want to make more money.

So this Tiger Woods scandal might have nothing to do with the extremely horrid economy but it does because instead of understanding our system we are just unintelligent drones that follow the shiny things. All for a sense of temporary comfort. When all along the real comfort is free and that is where all our problems lye. Not in the hands of the celebrities, not in the hands of the media, not in the hands of the government, not in the hands of various high society. Our problems lye deep inside of ourselves. Until we change ourselves and our selfishness our economy, our health, and our happiness will never truly be fixed or reached.

People always talk about changing the world but it is truly impossible to change anything without first changing yourself. So maybe in a strange round about way Tiger owes himself an apology, not me. I feel more sorry for him because this is obvious overcompensation for something. Whatever the lack is within him that made him feel compelled to cheat, I hope he can identify it and rectify it.

I am sorry if this answer was too long and too serious but I went on a bit of a rant and I tend to do that sometimes.

24 / 03

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Inspirational Wallpaper

23 / 03

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