// I’ve Slept Since Then//

It’s 3.06 am. I could still get plenty of sleep if I could fall back asleep now. I’m not sure why I cannot sleep more than two hours at a time. My mind won’t let me slumber so I’m here typing on tumblr. Lately, things have been a little confusing, a little frustrating but I’m still pressing on as positively as I can.

I’m missing certain people and not sure or confident in the outcome of communication. I feel the limbo taking hold. Speaking of limbo, I am two time winner of the Saturday Roadhouse Limbo, which is not much of a surprise considering I am exactly five foot. Some say it’s cheating but I say that short people must have advantages in at least one sport…or game…what have you.

I have got to gather myself and writing is and has always been my most sacred of releases. It’s a real shame how I have gone so long without writing more than three sentences.

Overwhelmed is the atmosphere of my current existence. I’m happy to say I have maintained two jobs since February and have slowly but surly been putting some money back. I got to see Bright Eyes in Saint Louis at The Pageant just last week and it was definitely the highlight of this summer thus far. My friend Stevi and I are going to do our best to finally try out for American Idol. I’m still not sure what song I want to perform.

I feel things growing and dying all around me. I feel so inspired one moment and then completely unaware or unattached to my surroundings. I am told that my limbo state is a fine state and natural state to be in at my age. I’m still unsure. I rest un-assured ahha. That is if I can rest.

I have done a lot of thinking about the perceived permanence of certain feelings or relationships. It is most certainly part of my confusion and frustration. I wish I had the proper words gathered for every amount of feeling I need to express, but I give you what I feel; instantly, unedited, and transparent.

I’m unwilling to yield all of my emotion to the wimps of another human. It scares me, the idea of needing rather than wanting, especially, in regards to relationships. I am afraid of being left so I leave but it is not that simple.

I wonder if I have any talent left in any part of my body? My introspection as of late has been more of highs and lows then I feel are usual. But that could be a lie. I could always feel this way every day and forget each night. You know, “I’ve slept since then”.

// A Bad Cup Of Coffee!//

(via writeoneleaf)

A bad cup of coffee is stale. It is too dull for words. It leaves one disappointed and confused because good coffee is a great reason to wake in the morning.
Bad coffee leaves you wondering how on earth something so wonderful could taste so terrible. It burns in a strange way. It holds tightly onto your tongue and all of you wants is to wash away the taste. It is a delicate torture to have a terrible cup of coffee.

Most importantly for me, a good cup of coffee springs such energy and joy within me that I am happy to be alive for the oppurtunity to consume it, to share it, to witness others being enticed over this coffee. To strike up a conversation over this delicacy. 

Anyone that has any knowledge of what a good cup of coffee is knows how horrid a venture it is to pursue an awful cup of coffee. But without duality where on earth would we be? Absolute. But our minds are not made that way. Our minds are made for comparing and contrasting. We are made to decide. We are choosy.

In many ways to be human is to place judgment. But this is said to be sinful. Perhaps so. The truth of the matter is, that it is entirely impossible understand anything about the world, yourself, or others without judgement, whether the result is recieved as negative or positive by others does not matter. 

Ultimately it matters how you perceive the world, yourself, and others because reality is perception. This makes the most delicious of things in life even more delicious because they are not the terribly dull or bitter wreck that is a bad cup of coffee. So one should be thankful for the good and the bad cup of coffee because it makes your perception of reality much easier.